19th May 2010
Bust up and Make ups
Dear Bloggers,
Hey guys, it's me on the loose, and here's this beginning of my online dairy.
So get this right, it's unusual for me ever to get into any fights. I mean I’m always the neutral party, the one who everyone likes. I think that's always been my anxiety, about people liking me. I'm just one of those people who want everyone to like them and are willing to let situations slide in order to prevent them from escalading. But doesn’t that make me a coward? I think that high school has changed me in so many ways. I feel like I’m discovering myself as a whole new person...........and it’s weird.
So during school time me and a big bunch of my friends were mucking around having a little water fight. Okay so we were basically targeting three people, but they seemed to be having a laugh and mucking around with us, getting pretty wet in the process I must admit. So afterwards my friend, who was one of the three to get wet, came up to me and slapped me! Yeah I know, not really giving me any reason apart from saying ‘you wet me.’ And I found it strange she targeted me when I was doing the exact same thing as everyone else and also, I might add, throwing the LEAST amount of water! Plus to me she seemed to be quite content, having a joke around with us while being splashed with water.
So I tried to hit back but this other girl, who also got wet, let’s call her Sofia, ( I didn’t really care much about her as no one really likes her and she’s a bit of a class reject in many respects) held this other friend back, let’s call him John, who was trying to protect me from being slapped. Afterwards things just suddenly died down and my ‘friend’, who hit me, left abruptly, leaving me totally clueless. It was really awkward as well because we had the same class to go to afterwards. Luckily I sat on the far side of the room and we both entered and left at different times.
I was so confused, angry and insulted as this friend, or who I thought was a friend, could do this to me. Now I understood that being violent was sort of her character and she did things like that to all of us, just as a joke of course. What I didn’t get was that one minute she was laughing and the next she was being deadly serious and hitting me! I don’t get people who just suddenly change their moods like that. I mean for a while I was just wondering if she was joking or not!
Okay so I thought about it that night. It was strange for me as I’ve never really been in any sort of fight like this, you know, one to one. I’ve always been a spectator but now I was an actor, with a leading role. Plus it was especially hard for me because I was close mates with this particular friend. So I thought it over and wondered to myself was I just going to let it slide? Am I a bigger wuss then I imagined? I’ve always thought I was strong but previous similar events have lead me to think otherwise. So I thought to myself, this time, no. I don’t want to be that person who gets insulted and just shys away.
The next day I asked my other friend; let’s call her Shannon so we don’t get confused with all these ‘friends!’ Well I asked her to talk to the friend who hit me, because Shannon was in her first class of the day. Afterwards Shannon came back to me and told me everything she had said. I was told of how this friend was pissed because she thought I carried on throwing water at her and blah, blah. Obviously this was a lie as I did not carry on throwing water, unlike some others, and I had proof from several other witnesses who kindly reminded that I threw the least water and was almost the first to stop!
I was so frustrated and decided to talk to her in my English class the next day. That night I wondered what she would say and how I would it. To be truthful, as annoyed as was, I didn’t like being in a fight with her because she’s a really good friend who I talk to all the time. However I wasn’t going to stop that from me being assertive and confident for once in my life. I don’t want to be that person anymore who cowards anyway at any mention of anything awkward or violent.
It took some courage but I asked to talk to this friend outside with a couple mates around. I asked why, why I found it frustrating and how I perceived the situation. I told her I didn’t want to talk through Shannon and I wanted a conversation face to face (I would never have dreamed to do this in year seven! Or seventh grade, whatever when I was eleven. ) And she told me she was angry that day cause of other stuff and............well it’s hard to recall everything; all I really wanted was an honest apology. Once I heard the word sorry and an explanation I felt a great sense of achievement. She told me she didn’t like being in a fight with me and I told her the feeling with mutual. I suppose it’ll take a while for our friendship to heal but in time it will, but I don’t suppose it’ll ever really be totally the same again.
I guess that’s what fights do. They make you understand each other more. And that’s why I think fighting is a good thing as it shows you how people react and, most importantly, how people resolve the situation. I mean a guy can knock down your building blocks but it’s up to you how you rebuild them. Sometimes they’re not quite as perfect as before but sometimes, just sometimes, they’re better.
I learnt something through this experience (my first proper fight) and that’s that I’ve changed. By god I’ll tell you one thing it hasn’t come naturally! I’ve changed because I want to be a stronger person. To be a stronger person you need courage to tackle problems head on and you can’t always be afraid of what people think of you. You can’t let people walk all over you and live your life in fear. Be strong, learn from life and don’t you dare let anyone put you down.
Figuring myself out still
Naffy.
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